How do Preschoolers Sense Themselves?
“[A child’s] sense of being a good person, of feeling important, of being worthwhile and worth being cared for all comes from this experience of having warm, nurturing relationships [that] he can use, not only in times of stress, challenge or conflict, but also to maintain an ongoing sense of security.”
Dr. Stanley Greenspan, 2002 The Secure Child:
Helping our Children Feel Safe and Confident in a Changing World. (pp. 47-48)
What do we mean by a sense of self?
A child’s sense of self includes many aspects of their self-understanding, including
· Self awareness – Who am I?
· Self concept – What do I know about myself?
· Self control – How do I manage myself?
· Self esteem – What is my value?
o Competence
o Worth
o Control over how things turn out.
Why does self-esteem matter?
Self-esteem involves feeling good about yourself.
Positive self-esteem helps children
try new things,
take healthy risks and
problem-solve.
It gives them a solid foundation for their development and learning.
Self-esteem is the underpinning of a child’s
well-being and the key to success as an adult.
At all ages, how you feel about yourself impacts how you act and react.
Children in secure relationships, either at home or in early years settings, have advantages when it comes to the development of sense of self. Feeling loved and secure leads to feelings of positive self- esteem as well as the confidence to explore and try things for themselves.
On the other hand, children are at risk if they
do not feel supported, and/or
have experienced trauma,
feel misunderstood and
do not feel safe in their world.
They will likely develop a low self-esteem, and
will often have feelings of unworthiness.
The Importance of the Social Context
Self-esteem is influenced much more through daily interactions and conversations than through group discussions. Coming to value oneself occurs in many situations during the day, depending on the reactions of others.
For children, self-esteem comes from:
· knowing that they are loved and that they belong and feel connected to a family and a community that values them
· spending quality time with others
· being encouraged to try new things,
· finding things they’re good at, and
· being praised for things that are important to them
Self and Other
Positive social experiences that enable a child to feel capable, effective and accepted promote the development of healthy self-esteem and respect for others.
A number of factors can affect self-esteem, including
· how we compare ourselves to others and
· how others respond to us.
When people respond positively to our behaviour, we are more likely to develop positive self-esteem.
“By age 5 children have a sense of self-esteem comparable in strength to that of adults, according to a new study by University of Washington researchers. Our work provides the earliest glimpse to date of how preschoolers sense their selves. We found that as young as 5 years of age self- esteem is established strongly enough to be measured and we can measure it using sensitive techniques…
Our findings suggest that self-esteem, feeling good or bad about yourself, is fundamental. …
We believe that self- esteem is one of the mental tools children use to create a sense of identity and belonging with social groups. Our findings underscore the importance of the first five years as a foundation for life.”
Dr. Dario Cvencek, Dr. Andrew N. Meltzoff, Dr. Anthony G. Greenwald
Ready Mind Project, Project Implicit, 2015 - 2016
How can TFL Early Years SEL support educators in enhancing children’s self-esteem?
TFL Early Years seeks to cultivate children’s self-esteem offering them ways to succeed, achieve and cope well with adversity and failure.
Concept 4: Self-Esteem
In this concept, we discuss the importance of communications to support self-esteem?
Conversations are crucial.
Listening to children provides insight into how they perceive and value themselves and for what reasons.
“I’m so strong.” “I’m too little.”
“I’m good at helping.” “I can’t do it.”
What kinds of communication supports self-esteem?
Follow the child’s lead (this shows your faith in the child)
Positive self-talk (“It was an accident”, “I can do it”)
Acknowledge and describe children’s efforts and achievements
Focus on the child’s intent, rather than the outcome of the behaviour
Optimistic talk
· not personal, just one situation or behaviour
· not pervasive, just one aspect of the child’s day
· not permanent (just learning, will get easier)
Provide support for children to make their own decisions.
Supporting and discussing the child’s feelings, and avoid judging children’s motives or behaviours.
Make connections between feelings, behaviours and outcomes.
What Kind of Guidance Supports Self-Esteem?
· A positive, instructive, coaching style of guidance protects a child’s self-esteem, while teaching more acceptable or appropriate behaviours.
· Natural and logical consequences allow children to remedy mistaken behaviour.
· “Time in” rather than “time out” protects the child’s dignity and relationships while supporting a child’s feelings.
· Providing alternative options in stressful situations helps children to feel successful in managing their own behaviour and stress.
Criteria for Guidance that Maintains and Builds Children's Self-Esteem
· Preserves the relationship with the educator
· Preserves self-esteem by addressing the behaviour, not the child
· Teaches reasons for limits by empathizing well-being and safety of all
· Gives child alternatives to remedy the current situation
· Provides strategies for handling similar situations differently
· Reassures the child that you are there for them.
All Day – Every Day
Celebrate each child as a valued play partner and group member
Everyone benefits when a child’s positive self-esteem reflects the child’s sense of worth, competence, acceptance and social contribution to the group and community.
Moving Forward....
TFL Early Years Social Emotional Learning and Relationship Building Strategies encourages educators to implement intentional practices through both planned and spontaneous opportunities,
We would be happy to discuss your interest in our training.
Jan Blaxall Janet Foster info@tflearlyyears.com
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